Whitman College made the hasty decision to become mask-optional at the start of spring break. That choice has now come back to bite everyone in the ass as the school slams back into full masking mode. As a consolation prize to students who were enjoying the mask-free life, Whitman will become a clothes-optional campus as of April 22.
According to the administration, this change in policy is due to a renewed emphasis on “personal choice” and allowing students to “dress down to the level at which they are comfortable.”
Students and faculty are divided on this policy change. Some are elated to attend class in the nude, while others are loath to trade comfortable outerwear for their birthday suits.
Said one student, “Masks were a wake-up call to us all. It’s not enough to be maskless, we must unshackle ourselves from the tyranny of clothes! We shall frolic naked in the wilderness, like our cousins, the majestic chimpanzees.”
Said another, “I, uh, I would rather not. Clothes are a-okay by me. Thanks to them I avoid chilliness and sunburns, and I get to show off my cool collection of cheese-pun themed t-shirts. They’re cheddar than the rest, that’s for sure.”
When asked if the state would adopt the same approach to clothing, Governor Jay Inslee said “What? No. And get out of my office. How did you get in here anyway?”
Later Governor Inslee elaborated that “It’s called ‘indecent exposure,’ and it’s illegal. And seriously, how’d you get in here? I changed the locks and everything.”
Regardless, some students have already abandoned their clothes and embraced a nude lifestyle with great verve and gusto. However, they have experienced some drawbacks.
“No clothes means no pockets means no way to carry my student ID, money, phone or keys,” said one nudist. “I’ve had to rely on the kindness of strangers to help me pay for stuff and get into buildings. And believe you me, if you thought it was awkward asking strangers for help before, it’s a thousand times weirder to do it butt-ass naked.”
Source: Whitman Wire